Kanika is a mom of three kids, two of whom are twins. With three children so close in age, she has always struggled to keep them in order, but lately the twins (who are 4 years old) have gotten so out of control that she often has to resort to bribing and threatening to get them to cooperate. This especially comes up when it’s time to get out the door in the morning. Kanika is looking for alternative ways to handle these situations.

Today, we talk about strategies that Kanika can adopt to make the situation more peaceful for everyone. We talk about the newfound discovery of control that is prompting the twins’ behavior, and we note the power of a respectful conversation. We talk about why the kids don’t actually need to get their coats and shoes on to leave the house, and I introduce the idea that it’s okay for kids to experience some discomfort if that’s what they need to learn a lesson. We talk about the difference between “I don’t want to” and “I won’t”, and I caution against reading more into your kids’ words than what they mean. In this vein, I note that it’s okay for them not to want to do something and I explain why, once you stop trying to convince them to want to obey, you eliminate needless stress for everyone.