Alanna’s 5-year-old son has trouble controlling his anger. When he wants something, he wants it, and he’ll ask and ask until he gets it. When he doesn’t get it, he’ll throw a temper tantrum and sometimes act out physically in his anger.

Today, Alanna and I talk about what could be behind these temper tantrums. We talk about how being the oldest kid can affect the amount of attention a child gets and how the child will often act out to try to get the attention he craves. We discuss how to overcome the temptation to just not deal with him when he’s being difficult. We talk about the importance of putting yourself in his shoes, as well as of letting him know that it’s okay to feel these emotions while at the same time setting clear boundaries about the right and wrong ways to respond to them. We talk about the effectiveness of setting aside alone time with your child, as well as giving him responsibilities around the house. We conclude with some takeaway practical advice and the importance of establishing “good” and “bad” as modifiers of behavior, not people.